I first noticed the stink Friday evening while heading to bed. It was a faint, almost chemically stink. Bird said it was his automatic shower cleaner and removed it from the upstairs. The next morning, however, the stink was stronger.
“Can’t you smell that stink?” I asked a groggy Bird.
“No. It’s just your sensitive nose.”
“I don’t think so. Come down stairs for a bit and then go back up,” I said as I coaxed him out of bed.
Bird grumbled his way downstairs, grumbled through some breakfast and then grumbled himself back upstairs, certain there would be no stink.
“Oh…. I smell it now…. what is that???” he said.
“I don’t know. It smells a lot like a moldy orange. We need to do a good search for a rogue orange or lunchbox.”
We searched briefly and then I left for sewing lessons leaving a now very grumpy husband in charge of the hunt. Hours later I returned to find the room more stinky than before. Bird shrugged when asked about the stink and said he found nothing. Maybe it would go away on its own.
By Monday evening the stink made my eyes burn. We searched some more, poking our noses in every nook, cranny and corner. The stink seemed to be everywhere, but be coming from no where in particular. Over dinner we discussed the possibility of the stink being sewer gas. Bird was certain this stink was not sewer gas, but being the good husband he is, replaced the vent pipe in the upstairs bathroom just to be sure.
The stink grew stronger. “It sure smells like rotten orange,” I said. “I think that the only REASONABLE explanation is that a bird was flying over the house carrying an orange and just happened to drop it on our roof where it rolled into one of the roof turbines and is now growing ever more moldy and stinky.”
“What? A swallow carrying an orange? Did it grip it by the husk?”
“Maybe it was an African swallow?” I retorted. We collapsed in giggles.
Tuesday morning we began discussing the possibility that we had a bad case of scary mold happening in some unseen area of the house. Not. Good. Come that night the stink had been renamed “Stink Stink Stink” as it was so foul that just one “stink” did not do it justice. The Stink Stink Stink forced us out of the bedroom and into the guest room. Our sleep was fitful as a stressed-out Bird flopped around on the small guest bed and a tired Belle tried so hard not to yell at the flopping Bird.
The search for the stink continued with no avail on Wednesday. Wednesday night, desperate for a larger bed, Bird slept upstairs in the Stink Stink Stink and I slept in the guest room. Meanwhile my cat protested this shift in sleeping arrangements by sleeping with neither of us and instead sat her fat fanny on the red chair and growled.
Come this morning we were growing desperate. A special Borescope was ordered so we could begin the mold search and Jay’s mother started investigating if a mold inspection/treatment was covered by the homeowners policy. Bird was tired, I was grumpy and the cats were all in a tizzy.
Then at 9 a.m. I get an instant message from Bird:
Bird: I’m a bad bird 😦
I think I found the stink.
A very raunchy lunch container near my office door.
me: Are you serious?
Did you sniff it?
Bird: Yes, It is the same smell I think.
I saved for you 🙂
me: really???? Thanks.
What was in it to smell so horrid???
Bird: Orange peels and something else.
me: hahahahahahahahahahha! I KNEW it was an orange!
Bird: I saw this a number of times while looking for the stink, but I was like surely a little moldy lunch could not smell that bad.
“Can’t we just go upstairs and see if the stink has vacated? That would imply that the stink was coming from the container,” I asked.
Bird said “No!” with more glee than I have seen in a while and proudly threw open the sunroom door. I didn’t even have to enter the room – the Stink Stink Stink accosted me in the doorway.
The stink stink stink had been found and, luckily, the mold monster was confined to the realm of one Gladware lunch container – 100% disposable in this instance. And valuable lessons have been learned by all in Chateau de Chelan:
- Never underestimate the power of a moldy orange.
- If you see a lunch container anywhere other than the kitchen, immediately take it there
- Cats and humans are moody when sleeping arrangements are thrown off for a few nightsand finally
- If a spouse says they have hunted thoroughly for something but do not find it, the other spouse should TOTALLY go back and look again.